Where Has Carol Been? In Reality…

Now there’s a complex question! The Universe has taken me on my own personal Magical Mystery Tour these past two years, complete with hurricanes and floods and other acts of the Goddess, death and more death, broken bones, amazing love and support and surprising moments of joy.

I haven’t written much because the more that happened, the harder it was to know where to begin. Some of you have known me for a long time, some are new to this blog and only know me through my guided imagery CDs and mp3s. Either way you know that I choose to focus on energetic patterns, on looking at life from a larger perspective, and on finding peace in challenging circumstances. This has been a time that has challenged all my beliefs. It has been a great relief and comfort to know that they are as solid as I thought.

Two years ago, Hurricane Irene washed out the bridge to my home and office and started a process of change that is still going on. Three months later my beloved dog Satika developed an aggressive, terminal cancer. And this January after a short bout of pneumonia, my partner died.

When I first walked into the Intensive Care Unit and saw the tubes and IV’s and ventilator, I felt with a certainty that I had never felt before, that here was reality. This was what was happening.  It had nothing to do with what I wanted or needed or believed, it just was what was happening. And in a curious way, I felt more present than I had ever felt before. Through the storm, and the flood and everything else, there was a sense of unreality, that this could not really be happening. But as I watched my partner dying, I understood – to the core of my being –  that this was what was happening. This was what was reality…

Perhaps this is enough of the story to tell, for now… there is much more, and I may write more soon. But today I wanted to talk to you about being present. About perceiving what is and finding some kind of peace and acceptance with it. And even ultimately gratitude. No matter what it is, no matter how hard it seems. Byron Katie says “Every time I argue with reality I lose.”  And that is part of what my story is about. Learning to stop arguing with reality and just be present with it. Because arguing with reality makes us angry and sad and scared and frustrated and crazy. And we never win, anyway! And as strange and wonderful and scary and sad as reality can be, it really is the only game in town.

So much of my work, my guided imagery CDs and mp3s, and my teaching is about finding peace. I use those words a lot. My journey this lifetime, and especially these past two years has been an intense exploration of how do we find peace in the midst of high winds and rushing water and dying breaths in this wild and precious life.

For now,

Yours in Peace,

Carol

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Rev. Diane - July 29, 2013

Carol—

Reality can be tough on us and it seems you’ve kept your sense of perspective, even though you’ve been tested like Job.

May your reality continue to become sweet, peaceful and filled with love and joy.

Blessings,

Rev. Diane

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Andrea Conway - July 29, 2013

Carol – thank you thank you thank you for letting us know where you’ve been. I am just blown away by the beauty and truth and openness in your blog.

Though I feel sorrow for your difficulties and losses, it’s clear you found a way to accept life and allow it to help you evolve and stay present. Namaste!

You are a shining star and a guiding light. Blessings to you.

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Priscilla - December 23, 2013

Carol – I had my own losses this past year and I’m reading your words with special intensity. What you said about “This was what was reality” is hitting home for me especially today, when I seemed to reach that moment I must have been trying to put off, taking in and swallowing those losses and deciding to grapple with reality. Thank you, from my heart.

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Carol - December 23, 2013

Dear Priscilla,
I have found that it very comforting knowing that I am not alone or unique. I am glad I managed to get this blog post out today, for you to read, and I am grateful to you for writing and sharing where you are. Life, Death, here, there… we really are all connected. I wish you comfort in your grappling, and ultimately, finding peace.

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susheel - December 24, 2013

Dear Carol,
I honor your courage, strength and grace through this very challenging time in your life. These realities are truly making each one of us stronger and deeper human beings. Your example will truly inspire others to be real in this life and to grow as we navigate the river of life an then find the peace offered in the ocean of God’s grace.
much love and peace.
susheel

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Liz - December 24, 2013

Carol, thank you for sharing your intense journey with others, I so value your willingness to be vulnerable and open up so that others can feel closer to you. I am sending lots of positive energy your way, and I am grateful that today I found your website and mp3’s, you matter very much in the Universe.

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Carol - December 24, 2013

Dear Susheel,
thank you for your beautiful words. your images of water are so true, the movement of the river, and then even though it is ever changing, the peace of the ocean.

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Carol - December 24, 2013

Liz- Vulnerability is such an interesting thing, isn’t it? Most of us are so afraid to be vulnerable, yet when we are, it not only inspires others to open themselves and connect, but also, for me, helps me remember that I am, and always was, safe. Thank you for your lovely energy. We all matter very much in the Universe…

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Kemila - December 25, 2013

I remember I always liked your voice in your recordings – very peaceful.
A lot have happened to everyone I assume. Peace is the shining light in all those “fortunate” and “unfortunate” happenings.

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