Now there’s a complex question! The Universe has taken me on my own personal Magical Mystery Tour these past two years, complete with hurricanes and floods and other acts of the Goddess, death and more death, broken bones, amazing love and support and surprising moments of joy.
I haven’t written much because the more that happened, the harder it was to know where to begin. Some of you have known me for a long time, some are new to this blog and only know me through my guided imagery CDs and mp3s or my teleseminar. Either way you know that I choose to focus on energetic patterns, on looking at life from a larger perspective, and on finding peace in challenging circumstances. This has been a time that has challenged all my beliefs. It has been a great relief and comfort to know that they are as solid as I thought.
Two years ago, Hurricane Irene washed out the bridge to my home and office and started a process of change that is still going on. Three months later my beloved dog Satika developed an aggressive, terminal cancer. And this January after a short bout of pneumonia, my partner died.
When I first walked into the Intensive Care Unit and saw the tubes and IV’s and ventilator, I felt with a certainty that I had never felt before, that here was reality. This was what was happening. It had nothing to do with what I wanted or needed or believed, it just was what was happening. And in a curious way, I felt more present than I had ever felt before. Through the storm, and the flood and everything else, there was a sense of unreality, that this could not really be happening. But as I watched my partner dying, I understood – to the core of my being – that this was what was happening. This was what was reality…
Perhaps this is enough of the story to tell, for now… there is much more, and I may write more soon. But today I wanted to talk to you about being present. About perceiving what is and finding some kind of peace and acceptance with it. And even ultimately gratitude. No matter what it is, no matter how hard it seems. Byron Katie says “Every time I argue with reality I lose.” And that is part of what my story is about. Learning to stop arguing with reality and just be present with it. Because arguing with reality makes us angry and sad and scared and frustrated and crazy. And we never win, anyway! And as strange and wonderful and scary and sad as reality can be, it really is the only game in town.
So much of my work, my guided imagery CDs and mp3s, and my teaching is about finding peace. I use those words a lot. My journey this lifetime, and especially these past two years has been an intense exploration of how do we find peace in the midst of high winds and rushing water and dying breaths in this wild and precious life.
For now… Carol