When someone leaves your life, there is a space left behind, which we often perceive as absence. But is it really absence? My experience of that space is that it has a very palpable presence to it, it is something in it’s own right. When someone close close to me died recently, it left that kind of presence, that sense that this is not nothing, it is something. Something very new, very unknown, very mysterious, very profound… How am I present to this new reality? How is someone who left present in my life, not just in memories. What is the presence of absence?
I lived for much of my life before we met, before she was a part of my life, before I even knew she existed. In a strange, time/space continuum kind of loop, I find myself back in that space of her not existing in my life. But I am clearly not back in my past, this is a new space, and reality has not back-tracked, but spiraled. It is both new and not-new. She is both part of my life and not…
The field in which I dwell has changed. Whether or not we were physically together, there was the energetic knowing that she was in the world; across the room or across town or across the continent… So what is the energetic knowing, the perception when a person is no longer physically in existence, no longer present in physical form? How do I acknowledge and honor and experience that presence now?
Death is one of the great mysteries, they say. It brings an absence and a finality that is unlike anything else. But it also brings something else, an opportunity to experience presence in a new way. An opportunity to explore what it means and what it feels like to have someone who loves you be in your life, in your field in a completely new way. Not physical, not familiar, but very, very real.